i started feeling depressed and anxious during my first year in university (18 years old), but I wouldn’t receive a diagnosis or support until 24 when I came to terms with my pain.

I have taken several different medications (SSRIs & SNRIs), used therapy and counselling, and the support of community, family, and friends to recover.

during particularly dark periods of my life (after the passing of my grandmother, after being laid off, after being sexually assaulted by my brother), I slipped deeply into suicidal depression.

I had a plan. I had the means. And I had the will to live.

The future is untouched. Anything can change. Give yourself time. If you experience suicidal ideation, please contact 9-8-8. Alternatively, you can access resources through Insider Interventions, CMHA, and CAMH, as well as many others.

You deserve support. We are here to help.

at 24, I received an ADHD diagnosis that would explain much of my life and behaviour.

At 25, an autism screening report would help extend this explanation and provide answers to questions that I didn’t know I had.

Such as:

• why does eye contact feel so intense?

• why can’t I recognize people when they can recognize me?

• how come I can’t explain how I’m feeling?

• why do I feel the need to bike/walk for hours to regulate (stimming)

I am still waiting for a full autism diagnosis, currently $4500+ for adults. Self-diagnosis and “softer diagnoses” are accepted in the autistic community due to these financial barriers.

“Posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD) is a psychiatric disorder that may occur in people who have experienced or witnessed a traumatic event, series of events or set of circumstances. An individual may experience this as emotionally or physically harmful or life-threatening and may affect mental, physical, social, and/or spiritual well-being. Examples include natural disasters, serious accidents, terrorist acts, war/combat, rape/sexual assault, historical trauma, intimate partner violence and bullying.” (Source)

“Complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD, C-PTSD or cPTSD) is a mental health condition that can develop if you experience chronic (long-term) trauma. It involves stress responses, such as:

• Anxiety.

• Having flashbacks or nightmares.

• Avoiding situations, places and other things related to the traumatic event.

• Heightened emotional responses, such as impulsivity or aggressiveness.

• Persistent difficulties in sustaining relationships.

Examples of chronic trauma include:

• Long-term child physical or sexual abuse.

• Long-term domestic violence.

• Being a victim of human or sex trafficking.

• War.

• Frequent community violence.

While CPTSD is often associated with chronic trauma in childhood, adults who experience chronic trauma can also develop the condition.” (Source)

following years of trauma and abuse, my body has learned to store the pain that it feels. Unfortunately, this has led to chronic pain and fibromyalgia at a fairly young age.

I use:

• mindfulness,

• walking meditations,

• yoga,

• trauma releasing exercises,

• dancing and whirling (like Rumi!),

• and breath work

to release trauma stored deep in the fascia of my muscles, which cause it to twing in pain.

When the body senses pain, it tenses the muscles, and we naturally tend to hold our breath. This leads to a lack of oxygen in the body. The body can also quite literally withhold oxygen from parts of itself when it senses pain to detach from that part.

This is often the case for sexual assault survivors who experience pain in their hips and groin. Often the psoas muscle, connecting the back, hips, and legs (and only muscle to do so), can contract habitually out of stress/fear and lead to back, hip, and leg pain.

Overtime, these motions repeated can lead to longstanding patterns of muscle tension that lead to chronic pain.

Fibromyalgia is accepted as a medical condition in Canada. In some countries, it is not recognized as such.

Fibromyalgia is a disorder characterized by widespread musculoskeletal pain accompanied by fatigue, sleep, memory and mood issues. Researchers believe that fibromyalgia amplifies painful sensations by affecting the way your brain and spinal cord process painful and nonpainful signals. (Mayo Clinic)

violence committed by someone in the victim’s domestic circle. Can be familial, like a sibling or parent, and can also be perpetrated by an intimate partner, sometimes called Intimate Partner Violence (IPV).

completed or attempted sexual acts, sexual contact with, or exploitation of a child. This type of abuse often involves the perpetrator using force or making threats.

refers to sexual contact or behaviour that occurs with explicit consent of the victim.

gender-based violence is violence directed against a person because of that person’s gender or violence that affects persons of a particular gender disproportionately.