mar 6 2025: forgive everyone… but start with yourself
I am struck, often, by how complex and challenging life can be. We are all trying our best. Or, at least, we can hope too.
And when, we inevitably err, it can feel like a disaster. A mistake… god forbid.
But in our essential nature, mistakes are what make us human. No one, I repeat, NO ONE gets it right, every time. And in fact, I’ve started looking at mistakes as a blessing.
One, for the lessons they bring, we learn immensely through our mistakes. Two, because they allow us to witness a reaction to a mistake. How we react, and how others do. And this reaction can teach you a lot about a person, and the values they stand for. Do you/they accept the mistake? Do you/they try to rectify it? Who gets the blame, if any? Mistakes are a portal to the personality.
No one likes being wrong, no one likes to err. No one can escape it either. So, let your mistakes teach you, not define you.
Forgiveness for others is an act of self-love. Letting go of pain and resentment towards another who has wronged you, whether they agree or not, is fundamentally about finding peace. Forgiveness does not mean you have to continue your relationship with them. Forgiveness, without boundaries, is self-betrayal.
What forgiveness does offer is respite. You were hurt. You didn’t deserve it. And it’s okay. People are fundamentally human, and flawed as ever. It means an end to the search for the question “why?”, and resting in the answer that you may never know, but it doesn’t have to break you.
We cannot expect perfect behaviour if we are not able to act perfectly. And accepting another for all of their selves, flaws included, can bring you closer to that person.
However, before you can learn to forgive anyone, here’s the kicker, we must learn self-forgiveness.
Struggling with perfectionism myself, making a mistake can feel like the end of the world. Thoughts circle in your head about how you let that happen, and what you should have done instead.
Before you learn to forgive anyone else, you have to learn to forgive yourself. You have to recognize that fundamental human fallibility in yourself. You have to become compassionate towards your own erring nature, and have the ability to give yourself grace.
Forgiving yourself does not mean that what happened was “okay” or permissable. It means recognizing that you, like all of humanity, are fundamentally human. And it permits you to accept the same about others.
Who is still taking up space in your mind? Can you let them go?
-immy, age 28