jan 29 2025: immy’s first solo trip…

My heart is raw and open. Just the way I prefer it. If you never take the chance, you will never know. That doesn’t mean it won’t hurt like hell when you land on your face.

And it hurts… hard.

I spent the most wonderful five days in Abbotsford, BC, with Gagan, a local change-maker and visionary.

He made me breakfast every morning, drove me to hang out with my friends. He brought me flowers and sweets, and introduced me to his family. He made space for me, and my emotions. He listened to me. I felt listened to, by a man, for the first time in my life. It was tragically beautiful.

I leapt boldly towards love, and surrender to the finality that it still did not work.

Life rewards the bold, that’s what Gagan says, but this does not feel rewarding. This is heart-breaking.

But it means that I have a heart. That I am in touch with my emotions. That I let myself be vulnerable. That I let myself feel, be felt, be open. A far cry from the emotional disconnection I suffered from in my early adulthood. And a testament to my progress, my willingness to put myself out there for love.

I showed myself that I am willing to put myself out there. Really out there!! Three provinces over out there. Knowing, that even if things did not work, I would always have the bedrock of internal love for myself to fall back on. That no relationship could make or break me.

My first solo trip felt like an odyssey in self-love. A question to myself, “how much do you trust me, immy?” Do you trust me enough to keep your heart open no matter what? No matter the outcome? No matter the possibility that my open heart will not be reciprocated?

And I answered that question with a confident nod. There is no obstacle in front of me that I cannot traverse with this level of self-trust. Regardless of the results, I feel powerful knowing that the relationship I have with myself is the strongest one in my life.

I feel powerful knowing that I try, and try again, and fail, fail hard. And still, keep trying.

That is the beauty of a life lived with your heart wide open.

- immy, age: 28